Still Coping — But Only Just? Why Workplace Stress and Resilience Matter to Me
For a long time, I was very good at coping.
I had spent around 15 years working in HR, half of those at a senior level. I was experienced, capable and used to dealing with difficult situations. Problems were there to be dealt with. Deadlines had to be met. Difficult conversations had to be had. And when there was too much to do, you simply got on with it.
Until, eventually, I couldn't.
My own experience of prolonged workplace stress resulted in me taking time away from work and, ultimately, leaving my HR career altogether.
Looking back, however, one of the things that interests me most isn't simply the point at which things became too much.
It's how long I managed to keep going before they did.
By the time I realised something really had to change, it was too late. I was burnt out.
In the long term, things have worked out for the better. I retrained, changed direction and found work that feels much more aligned with who I am and what matters to me.
But that doesn't change the fact that it was an incredibly difficult experience at the time.
And it's one of the reasons I now want to help people before they reach that point.
Before coping becomes exhaustion. Before pushing through becomes the only way they know how to function. Before their choices begin to narrow.
I want to help people recover, feel better and think more clearly while they're still in a position to make considered choices about what needs to change — whether that's something about the way they're responding to pressure, something about their work, or both.
Because there is a big difference between choosing to make a change while you still have options and reaching the point where circumstances start making those choices for you.
When coping becomes a way of life
This is one of the reasons I now focus so much of my coaching work on stress and resilience.
Because I don't think workplace stress always looks the way we imagine it does.
Sometimes there is an obvious crisis. Someone simply cannot carry on. They go off sick or reach a point where they know something has to change.
But often, people carry on functioning for a very long time.
They turn up.
They manage their team.
They attend the meetings.
They solve problems.
They answer emails in the evening.
They deal with the difficult employee, the dissatisfied customer, the vacancy they can't fill and the latest request from above.
Then they go home exhausted.
They recover sufficiently to do it all again tomorrow.
From the outside, they may appear to be coping perfectly well.
From the inside, it can feel very different.
This is bigger than individual experience
The UK figures give some indication of the scale of the problem.
According to the Health and Safety Executive, an estimated 964,000 workers experienced work-related stress, depression or anxiety in 2024/25.
These conditions resulted in an estimated 22.1 million working days being lost during the year. For each person affected, an average of 22.9 working days were lost.
But absence only tells us part of the story.
The CIPD's Good Work Index 2025 found that around one in four UK workers — approximately 8.5 million people — believed their work was having a negative effect on their mental health.
The factors most strongly associated with unhealthy work included excessive workloads, excessive pressure, poor relationships with colleagues and the quality of line management.
So, there are people who have already reached the point where they cannot work.
And there are millions more who are still turning up.
Managers can find themselves in the middle of it
I am particularly interested in the experience of managers.
Not because managers have a monopoly on workplace stress. They certainly don't.
But because the nature of the role can put them in an unusual position.
A manager may be expected to look after the wellbeing of their team while simultaneously managing their own workload and pressure.
They're expected to support the employee who is struggling.
Deal with performance problems.
Resolve disagreements.
Cover vacancies.
Respond to customers.
Deliver targets.
Implement organisational changes they may have had little influence over.
And absorb whatever comes down from above.
They can find themselves carrying responsibility in several directions at once.
Ironically, the more experienced and dependable somebody becomes, the easier it can be for others to assume they'll cope.
And usually, they do.
Until coping starts to come at a cost.
Stress isn't simply about whether you're “strong enough”
The Health and Safety Executive defines stress as the adverse reaction people have to excessive pressures or other types of demand placed upon them.
It identifies six areas of work that can contribute to work-related stress when they aren't properly managed: demands, control, support, relationships, role and change.
I think that's important.
Because conversations about resilience can sometimes accidentally suggest that workplace stress is primarily an individual problem.
If somebody is struggling, perhaps they need to become more resilient. Manage their time better. Learn to relax. Practise mindfulness. Develop a more positive mindset.
Those things may sometimes help.
But sometimes the workload really is unreasonable.
Sometimes there aren't enough people.
Sometimes expectations are unclear.
Sometimes the culture is unhealthy.
Sometimes somebody has responsibility without sufficient authority or control.
Sometimes the organisation needs to change — not the individual.
My years working in HR taught me that workplace problems are rarely as simple as we'd like them to be.
And my own experience taught me that knowing a great deal about people, organisations and workplace stress doesn't necessarily make you immune to it.
So, what do I mean by resilience?
I don't see resilience as developing the ability to tolerate an intolerable situation indefinitely.
Nor do I think the goal should be to become so “resilient” that nothing bothers you.
For me, resilience is much more practical.
It's about noticing what sustained pressure is doing to you.
Understanding your patterns and warning signs.
Recognising what you can control — and what you can't.
Responding differently to difficult days.
Setting better boundaries where they're needed.
Recovering properly rather than simply recovering enough to go back and do it all again.
And sometimes having the clarity to recognise that something about the situation itself needs to change.
Still coping — but only just?
One of the reasons I chose to retrain as a coach and hypnotherapist was because I wanted to work with people before they reached the point I did.
Not necessarily people who are already in crisis.
Often, quite the opposite.
They may be experienced, successful and highly capable people who are still getting everything done.
But perhaps they're noticing things.
They're more irritable than they used to be.
A difficult meeting stays with them all evening.
They're waking during the night thinking about work.
Sunday afternoon is already becoming Monday morning in their head.
They're finding it harder to concentrate.
Something relatively small happens at work and produces a surprisingly big emotional reaction.
Their weekends are increasingly about recovering from the previous week rather than enjoying their life.
Or perhaps nothing dramatic has happened at all.
They just know they don't want to carry on feeling like this.
That's the space in which much of my work now sits.
Because there is an enormous distance between “I'm completely fine” and “I can't cope anymore.”
And we don't have to wait until somebody reaches the second of those before doing something about it.
Sometimes the most important moment is much earlier.
It's the moment when someone who has spent years saying: “I'm coping.”
finally allows themselves to add: “But only just.”
Sources:
HSE 2024/25 health and safety statistics
HSE guidance on work-related stress
